People hurt people, physically and emotionally. I have a hard time trusting people with my emotions since people hurt me all of the time, I'm quite sensitive to what people say and do. I'm not perfect so I know I have done the same. But this is an issue. We found out three days ago that our son was going to be born with a cleft palate and a cleft lip. I was sad about the palate because I knew breastfeeding was out of the question and I would have to pump, But, I started on feeding plans and research and found out that I didn't need to lose the bonding time with him. Even though he wouldn't really be able to latch and get much milk from me for nutrition, we could still have the nursing for comfort, for both of us.
So, all in all I was okay. BUT (big but) I wasn't ready to share this with the world yet. I didn't want pity and I didn't want minimizing from someone who hasn't gone through it. In the grand scheme of things, yes I know, it could be worse. He could have life threatening complications or his cleft could be bigger and more difficult. However, this is our baby and our journey. We will have to live with this every day. I don't want people to feel sorry for us either. As a mother that has gone through weird looks at our daughter and many questions I was afraid of getting my feelings hurt once again. As I am writing this post, I am wondering when I will actually post it. Really what that means is I wonder when I will be able to trust you with everything that we are facing. Will you ask some weird question that leaves me feeling sorry for myself or my baby? Will you share a story of someone that you once knew who had their surgeries 20 years ago and say, "Their scar is barely recognizable." Or will you just say, "Oh, it's just cosmetic." By the way it's NOT just cosmetic. Having a cleft palate, children can face many surgeries, including issues with their hearing and speech. I don't want to tell you how to respond to me, I just want you to know my heart is heavy and what you say can effect me. When Summer's eczema was at it's worse things like, "Oh poor baby" or "I'm glad my child doesn't have that" were some of the most hurtful things people could have said to me and they said them often. I am naturally a defensive person so I had to pray daily that I wouldn't smack the bejeezies out of someone for their comments. The sad thing was that most generally it came from family. Not some stranger.
The glorious thing that I am being taught by God's grace is that I can trust Him to get me through anything. If I can trust in Him than I suppose I should give grace as well and trust in you. I think my biggest fear was I wouldn't hear, "Oh he's so cute!" when we finally posted a picture of him after birth, we would hear something along the lines of, "Oh, what is wrong with his lip?" I have to realize not everyone is going to read this post and I will probably still get those questions and I will probably still cringe and ask for Jesus to help me to respond in a loving way that doesn't show bitterness or anger. This has been a long 18 days trying to figure out how I would deal with telling people. Originally, I was going to wait until our Riley appointment but I am feeling a nudge from God to share sooner and when God speaks, I listen. There's a reason for this, he is an intentional God and makes no mistakes. So here I am, trusting Him to trust you. Please don't make me regret that... haha just kidding! :) Please feel free to comment below. We would love to hear words of encouragement and know people are praying for us! Although, we don't know the extent of Little Man's cleft and probably won't until birth, we still have lots of planning to do before he gets here! So we invite you to come on this journey WITH us!
I've documented some of the emotions of the process from the last 2 1/2 weeks and you can find them here It's A Boy... But, here Our Journey Begins and here Beautiful Faith + Peace. Those should catch you up to where we are at today.
So, all in all I was okay. BUT (big but) I wasn't ready to share this with the world yet. I didn't want pity and I didn't want minimizing from someone who hasn't gone through it. In the grand scheme of things, yes I know, it could be worse. He could have life threatening complications or his cleft could be bigger and more difficult. However, this is our baby and our journey. We will have to live with this every day. I don't want people to feel sorry for us either. As a mother that has gone through weird looks at our daughter and many questions I was afraid of getting my feelings hurt once again. As I am writing this post, I am wondering when I will actually post it. Really what that means is I wonder when I will be able to trust you with everything that we are facing. Will you ask some weird question that leaves me feeling sorry for myself or my baby? Will you share a story of someone that you once knew who had their surgeries 20 years ago and say, "Their scar is barely recognizable." Or will you just say, "Oh, it's just cosmetic." By the way it's NOT just cosmetic. Having a cleft palate, children can face many surgeries, including issues with their hearing and speech. I don't want to tell you how to respond to me, I just want you to know my heart is heavy and what you say can effect me. When Summer's eczema was at it's worse things like, "Oh poor baby" or "I'm glad my child doesn't have that" were some of the most hurtful things people could have said to me and they said them often. I am naturally a defensive person so I had to pray daily that I wouldn't smack the bejeezies out of someone for their comments. The sad thing was that most generally it came from family. Not some stranger.
The glorious thing that I am being taught by God's grace is that I can trust Him to get me through anything. If I can trust in Him than I suppose I should give grace as well and trust in you. I think my biggest fear was I wouldn't hear, "Oh he's so cute!" when we finally posted a picture of him after birth, we would hear something along the lines of, "Oh, what is wrong with his lip?" I have to realize not everyone is going to read this post and I will probably still get those questions and I will probably still cringe and ask for Jesus to help me to respond in a loving way that doesn't show bitterness or anger. This has been a long 18 days trying to figure out how I would deal with telling people. Originally, I was going to wait until our Riley appointment but I am feeling a nudge from God to share sooner and when God speaks, I listen. There's a reason for this, he is an intentional God and makes no mistakes. So here I am, trusting Him to trust you. Please don't make me regret that... haha just kidding! :) Please feel free to comment below. We would love to hear words of encouragement and know people are praying for us! Although, we don't know the extent of Little Man's cleft and probably won't until birth, we still have lots of planning to do before he gets here! So we invite you to come on this journey WITH us!
I've documented some of the emotions of the process from the last 2 1/2 weeks and you can find them here It's A Boy... But, here Our Journey Begins and here Beautiful Faith + Peace. Those should catch you up to where we are at today.
RSS Feed